I had a medical appointment victory yesterday, which was especially welcome after a stumble on Wednesday, where, Ben accompanied me to my appointment, but I still left feeling overwhelmed and had a post-appointment stress meltdown in the car.
Yesterday, I not only went alone, but I saw a new doctor at a further hospital (I hate driving, so this was a triumph in and of itself), stuck out the hour-long wait for my behind-schedule appointment (all while getting a worse SPD- and anxiety-induced headache), and then talked to the new doctor. He even said I was “amazingly self-expressive and precise” in my ability to discuss my problems. What are the chances?!
After initially getting off to my typical monosyllabic I-forget-why-I’m-here/I’m-too-overwhelmed-to-talk start, I pulled out my phone and showed him what I had written down: “I am on the autism spectrum and I get a little nervous and shy but I’m really glad to be meeting with you because I have not been feeling well.” Following this line, I had written a list of my current symptoms. Thankfully, he also had my hefty medical records, which he had taken the time to review before I even entered the room; I guess this is why this guy is worth the drive and the wait! Upon reading my prompt, he immediately said he’d start with the talking and when I was ready to respond, I could jump right in.
His method worked fantastically. At first, we sort of briefly addressed the pertinent highlights in my chart: I confirmed them with a nod, and then verbal affirmations, and after a few minutes, with coherent elaboration and explanation where warranted. Before I knew it, I was discussing my current problems in language that made sense to me. He chuckled as he took notes while I spoke. At first it bothered me and then I asked him what was so funny, to which he replied, “You describe things in a unique way and very directly. You admit a lot of things people won’t and it’s refreshing how candid you are.” He apologized for laughing and said he wasn’t trying to laugh at me. I assured him now that I knew why he was laughing, I wasn’t at all offended and to “laugh away because I’m a bit of a weirdo and have no problem admitting my weaknesses.” That seemed to seal the deal in assuring my comfort with him and after that, we had a fluid conversation and I even allowed him to examine me—a process that is usually like wrestling an uncooperative toddler into a snowsuit because I don’t like to be touched.
This doctor not only had fabulous bedside manner and admirable patience, but he was also bright and action-oriented. Too many times it seems like doctors just shuttle me from specialist to specialist or test to test without actually interpreting anything or making a treatment plan besides either taking the “wait and see” approach or the “go elsewhere” one. Although this doctor is sending me for more tests and referring me to two other specialists, he gave me two diagnoses after reviewing the tests I’ve already had and will follow up with me in three weeks after the other information is received to complete the necessary picture for a treatment plan.
All in all, I’m really glad that my phone prompting approach worked and that this doctor had the tools and time to work within my needs. I’m also proud of myself for sticking out the wait because I got paid back in dividends with quality care. Prior to the appointment, as I waited in the loud and stressful waiting room minute after minute beyond my scheduled appointment time, I texted with Ben about how desperately I wanted to leave and I told him I was planning to shortly. After I was weighed and the doctor was entering my information, I texted Ben, “Ugh, just now getting in.” Of course, as the doctor was scrolling on my phone to review my notes, the text alert from Ben saying, “finally!” flashed on the phone’s screen. The doctor said, “someone named Ben just gave you an enthusiastic ‘finally’!” I said, “That’s my husband’s response after I complained sorely about how I wanted to bag this whole thing because I was tired of waiting.”
He laughed. I laughed.
As I left, I emphatically thanked him for helping me and I said, “I’m not pandering to you but something in me knew you’d be worth the wait!”
I do think I fell into the hands of a competent and compassionate provider but I also think my phone strategy and my bravery helped me in this interaction. I left feeling completely exhausted—even more so than usual after an appointment—but instead of being frustrated, more anxious, and confused, I felt informed, confident, and proud.