In honor of Mother’s Day, I thought I would dedicate a brief post to my mom, who, for all intents and purposes, is really a superhero masquerading as a mom. Although I’m an adult and old enough to be a mom myself, I still need her; in fact, possibly more now than ever. And as a young adult with a chronic illnesses, autism, depression, and PTSD (to name just a few of my challenges), my mom has an overwhelmingly difficult task, yet she far exceeds any expectation or definition of a “mom” that I’ve encountered.
For someone who has such a easy time writing about quite a variety of topics, I always find it difficult to explicitly and effectively convey how much of “my everything” my mom is. I think that’s it though: she is so much more than just a wonderful mom. She’s a dependable friend, an informed counselor, a confidant, a cheerleader, an unwavering source of support, to name a few. Maybe her importance in all of these roles and all of the many other hats she wears for me is so influential and necessary is because she is, in many cases, “the” instead of “a” for these roles: a sole warrior on the “Amber team”, working tirelessly behind the scenes to support my needs and dreams. It may sound cliché, but outside of the dyad of Ben and me, my mom is my best friend and my support system no matter what storms I have to weather. I’m not an easy person to befriend, given my physical restrictions for health reasons and my social confusion and blindness. Given my pain and my problems, I’m certainly not a pleasant or positive person many times, and against all odds and every challenge, my mom persists. I have yet to reach a day where my mom throws in the towel on any one of those crucial and tremendously generous hats she will don for me. This dependability has taught me to trust in her unconditional love and just be honest and open about my worries, problems, and even my lofty goals. I used to deeply dread being the bearer of bad news or opening up about some of my issues because I wanted her to see me as successful and well-adjusted. That facade is long gone! When I reflect on what changed, I think it was my ability to have faith (after continued reinforcement through her consistent backing of my needs) that mom was going to love me and help me no matter what. This is the most priceless and important gift anyone in life can receive. No matter what battles I need to face, I feel confident that I have a dedicated teammate who will help me face the challenge, strategize a way to work through it, and ultimately defeat it.
My mom carries a tremendous amount of wisdom, knowledge, patience, and dedication to learning about my problems and conditions so that she can both understand me and help me understand myself so that I am more comfortable and better off. Again, this is one of the most selfless and generous gifts I could possibly receive. My mom gives me her time, concern, compassion, and her strength when I don’t have enough of my own. Her unwavering support and love have stripped away some of the anxiety and guilt that I tend to innately bear for being “different” and “difficult.”
Perhaps equally important is how honored and special I feel that my mom allows me to be one of her best friends. She is open and honest with me and entrusts me with her own fears, pains, and emotions. As someone who has very few friends, this reciprocity in conversation and support makes me feel valued, respected, and purposeful.
I hope, for both of our sakes, that this year will be smoother, with fewer challenges and more clarity, comfort, success, and happiness. At the same time, I feel blessed that I can rely on my mom’s support in whatever way I need it and reciprocate this to the best of my ability, though we better not be evaluated on the same rubric because I’m more than a few paces behind her!
To my mom on this Mother’s Day (and every other day): Thank you for being everything I need on any given day and seamlessly shapeshifting to fill that need. I used to make you plaques and awards for Mother’s Day that read: World’s Greatest Mom, but as I’ve grown up I’ve found this to be a significant understatement. You are by far more than the best mom ever; you’re the best everything-I-need-you-to-be ever.