Today started well enough with a very early morning walk down the strip and back, but I’ve struggled through the late morning and early afternoon. Part of the issue is my jet lag compounded with my usual abnormal hours. I was up before 1am, so I feel off and like the day is dragging. This difficulty pales in comparison to the fact that I spiked a bad fever and an infection in a wound that I incurred before the trip. After resting in my room and reading for a while this morning, I noticed I was unduly weak and overcome with malaise. It’s a frequent problem that I overlook fevers and fail to understand why I feel so poorly. Today was one of those days.
First, in addition to the weakness and overall pain, I noticed I was tearful and really homesick. Then, I checked my wound site and noticed the skin was so turgid, red, and swollen, it looked like that area would burst. So, in addition to all the sights I’ve seen on the strip, I visited urgent care, thanks to an Uber ride, which normally sends my trauma brain into a panic, concerned for a lack of vetted and guaranteed safety, but being in such desperate need of rapid help in the absence of self-powered locomotion, that the situation necessitated the ride. For better or for worse, I was too stressed about my health and visiting an unfamiliar medical facility to worry excessively about the driver while in the car. I tipped well for delivering me safely and not raping me (ugh, when will my brain heal?!), and then engaged in some interesting waiting room people watching while I fretted over my infection and meeting the doctor.
Although an unpleasant experience, it went alright considering, and, armed with an antibiotic prescription, I headed to the nearest pharmacy.
To recuperate from that drama and give my body a chance to fight the infection, now I’m just resting in my room, trying not to cry. Again, I think this is an instance where tremendous physical pain is leeching into the emotional realm and magnifying the intensity of the overall pain. I’ll be okay, yet it’s obviously not ideal. It seems like a good opportunity to practice my resolve to work on barricading my emotions and mental place from any tainting or negative spillover from physical discomfort. Of course, this is easier said than done, but I’m taking deep breaths, thinking positive thoughts, listing things I’m grateful for, and distracting myself to the best of my ability in a foreign hotel room isolated from anyone and anything I know. Tomorrow will be better: the antibiotic should kick in, the pain will become more manageable, the programming will start, I’ll be one day closer to returning home, and I’ll be one day stronger.