I’m glad to see this week finally wrapping up. In our house, we’ve worked extra hard for this weekend to come. I like Fridays because even though it’s a regular workday, it holds the immediate promise of the full weekend ahead.
Today is the first day this week that I don’t have any scheduled appointments or procedures, though I have several medical-related phone calls to make. I hate making calls almost as much as I hate going to see a doctor. Although I know some of this is autism-related social avoidance, it also seems to be a common reluctance of my generation for whom texting and emailing has become the prevailing preference. We’ve grown so accustomed to the imperial nature of written communication that the social requirements of a phone call feel intimidating. I loved Girl Scouts when I was growing up and stayed in scouting through high school. However, to this day, one of the few negative associations with Girl Scouting that remains were the phone calls I’d have to make to community members or adults for a badge requirement or because my parents pushed me to do demonstrate my maturity or commitment, or to exercise my requesting or social skills. I used to write out scripts and have mock practice calls with my mom numerous times before I’d feel prepared enough to try. Even if “prepared,” I never felt “ready.” Once the real phone call was underway, I’d become flustered and overwhelmed, sometimes forgetting my “lines” and just going mute, or ramble on and on muddling the message in a bunch of confusing jibber jabber.
I’m still awaiting my lab and diagnostic test results, but I’m not too nervous about them. Perhaps that’s the positivity about the fact that it’s Friday helping influence my mood upward and minimize my health anxiety. I hope some of it is a sign that my CBT work on anxiety reduction is helping. I’m trying to learn to let go of gripping anxiety when it’s over things I can’t control or that will be okay. It’s not productive, though it’s really hard to change. I will try to keep these tests in perspective and focus on the big picture that I’m addressing my health—whatever state it’s in.