Sleepy Saturday

Saturday mornings are generally nice and low-key, but I’m quite tired today because I had to take a lot of a Benadryl last night so I’m hungover this morning. It’s a dreadful feeling. Although I don’t drink alcohol, and haven’t for nearly ten years, I remember the sluggish, heavy, mentally-foggy feeling that would follow after an evening of one to many vodka sours. I’m doing my best to muddle through, but it feels exactly like that: muddling through murky, muddy swamp waters. I almost feel like wrapping myself in a blanket and shutting my eyes, which is entirely uncharacteristic for me in the morning, even when I’m tired. It’s not uncommon for me to burn out in the early afternoon, succumbing to a curled up resting position on the couch, particularly if I slept really poorly or totally overdid it in the morning with physical exertion or socially-demanding activities. However, to find me lying down in the morning any time after 4am is unheard of, unless I’m very sick. Now that I’m taking an actual body scan, I realize my throat is quite sore when I swallow. It may sound strange that I could possibly be oblivious to this before deliberately thinking through each body system and level of the body (how does my head feel? How are my eyes? Are they itchy or dry? Does it hurt when I roll them one way or another? How is my nose? Is it stuffy or runny? Is there a strong smell that’s bothering me? How are my ears? Are they itchy or irritable? Do they feel overwhelmed by excessive noise?), but this degree of systematic scrutiny is necessary for me to understand how I’m feeling. With SPD, the connection to the body is sometimes poor and messages from organs or body parts can get lost or misconstrued: sometimes I think my stomach hurts, but then I realize it’s a fever that’s bothering me, for example. It’s possible I’m fighting off an illness, which would certainly be contributing to my fatigue. All the more reason to be cautious with what I take on today.

It hasn’t started raining yet, but it’s certainly gloomy out. We will be spending most of our time taking care of inside projects like laundry, vacuuming, work, etc. While it doesn’t objectively sound fun, much of what we take on will be necessary obligations, although we will be sure to incorporate recreational time for things like puzzles, class work, and television. With each sentence written, my throat gets tighter and swallowing gets more painful and difficult. I’ve always been shocked at how quickly a cold can come on, in terms of feeling fine one moment and have a fiery sore thrust the next. Today is apparently one of those days…bummer.

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