A Summer Weekend

We are having totally perfect weather this weekend. I am too exhausted this morning to really muster the energy to even feign excitement about it, but I’m still hoping to rally later this morning and enjoy the day. I had another tough night of sleep and have been up since midnight. I won’t go to bed again until tonight so I’m in for a long day (like yesterday, the day before, and the string of days before that for at least the past two weeks or so). It can be a bit disorienting, for example, when it’s only 6 am but I’ve already been up doing things for five or six hours. This morning, I stripped my bed and had laundry going by 2am and I was cooking for the next few days at 2:30. At least I’m productive during those hours for some of the time, although I must admit there’s a fair amount of time spent lying on the rug petting the dog and having one-sided conversations. A definite downside to being awake for so many hours before everyone I know is that that time can feel really lonely as there’s no one to call or text.

Now that I consider this, perhaps that is one reason why I’ve felt especially lonely in the past few weeks: I’m awake so early and getting out of bed and on with my day. I spend those hours being as quiet and small as possible so as not to wake Ben. Most importantly, I spend them completely alone, even without the electronic or remote company of friends. The time can drag on a bit and the world around me is silent and still like I’m the sole moveable part in the otherwise static surroundings. I always get up early, but I was closer to 3:30 or 4am before. The extra three hours in recent weeks understandably makes a noticeable difference in how I feel and how my day feels. A general trend of increased feelings of isolation and loneliness are founded since my schedule has definitely shifted that way. Here is a situation where my perception and the reality are actually aligned.

We had a nice day yesterday. Unfortunately, our lawn mower bit the dust so after doing a bunch of research, we ordered one that will be here at the end of this coming week. The grass will get quite long by then, but the new machine should make it doable. I learned how to do weed whacking yesterday and took to some errant weeds in the backyard. It’s easy to use but the tool is long for me with my short stature, so it was a little uncomfortable to hold up after a while. I’ve also learned that when I’m doing a new task, even if it doesn’t seem particularly physically strenuous, it’s wisest for me to just do a little the first day to help my body get accustomed to the motions and necessary muscular work so I don’t overdo it and become too sore. I’m not sure weed whacking needs to fall in this category of “easy does it at first,” but I figured I’d err on the side of just a modest amount the first day I tried it.

It was nice to spend so much of the day outside and to feel comfortable and happy doing so. With the humidity of the heat wave broken, it was just a stunning day. Today feels like it will be similarly gorgeous and I’m looking forward to spending time outside. I have work for my job to do today and a book I’m really enjoying. It should be a good blend of active things and recuperation. It’s going to be a really busy week for me; thus, it’s important for me to not overdo it today. The main goal is to soak up my time with Ben and fill my cup of his companionship so that I can weather all the endless hours of alone time during the week.

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