Sleeping Alone

I fell off my bed in the middle of the night so I’m sore and tired this morning. It was difficult to fall back asleep after something so jarring. I’m proud that eventually, a few hours later, I was able to get a bit more sleep. It’s so hard to turn my brain off and tune out my body pains, so even a short bout of additional sleep is a sleep training victory for me.

I mostly have work to do today, but I’ll also mow the lawn and do some indoor cleaning with Ben. I feel like our weekend cleanup is still going well, but I seem to be dropping the ball on maintaining cleanliness and organization during the week. This may because I’m trying to force myself to stay in bed longer in the mornings, until at least 3am, and forego my ultra early morning cleaning sessions from a couple weeks back. While it was nice to be awe-inspiringly productive those mornings, I know it’s better for my body and brain to try and get a bit more rest, if not sleep, before 2:00 or 3:00am. My psychiatrist recommended staying in bed a bit longer to try and force a change in how late I can sleep.

This coming week is shaping up to be a busy one. I have another appointment with my gynecologist on Monday, my birthday is Tuesday (so I think Ben and I will take time off to do something fun), Wednesday I may see mom, Thursday I have Skype therapy, and Friday I have my dental filling that was rescheduled from a week ago. Around those activities, I’ll try to fit in 40 hours of work over the full seven day week. I’ll need to put in some time on my birthday to realize that target.

This morning, Ben will give Comet a haircut and bath. She’s become much more accustomed to this type of grooming since we started it about five years ago, but she still likes to put up a fight sometimes. I’m allergic to her coat, so I always feel better once she’s shaven and clean. We still aren’t sleeping together because she’s not yet permitted to jump up on my bed with her repaired ACL, and even though she has her own bed in my room, she tends to seek me out in the night and decide to join me in mine. I like the idea of having her company in my room more than the  real-life experience of it, largely because when she inevitably jumps in my bed, it wakes me. She also is known to emit a host of clicking, ticking, and yipping noises in her sleep. Between these mouth noises and her periodic getting up to recircle her bed (wherein she whips her floppy ears around, which elects a surprisingly loud whapping noise), she’s a constant wild card, posing a risk of waking me. Should I get startled awake, it usually takes a couple hours to fall back asleep, which is a punishment too severe for the companionship benefit. In a perfect world, we’d sleep in companionable silence, but I’m too light of a sleeper with my various sensory processing issues to make that a realistic expectation at this time. Maybe things will change at some point and I’ll start sleeping more soundly and be less prone to wake at the mere movement of an arm hair or deeper exhalation of our small dog. It’s a nice idea of a dream of the future, but since I’ve heard sensory issues, at least for autistic women, tend get worse with age, I’m not optimistic. Maybe I’ll be an anomaly in a good way this time…


Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.