Experimenting with Food

Although Friday is typically one of my favorite days if the week, yesterday didn’t score too highly. The day began in the rears because I had slept so poorly the night before with the extreme joint pain that’s characterized the past couple of weeks. It’s been especially terrible this week, which is why I’m more confident it’s dietary-related in nature, at least in part, since I’ve been changing my diet a lot recently.

I decided in the sleepless hours in the night before yesterday that I’d radically change my diet by removing the major player. When it was breakfast time yesterday and the hunger pangs felt inconsolable, I had more than what I’d consider “second thoughts” and I seriously wanted to forego my new plan, chalking it up to wild ideas from the wee hours of the morning. However, I decided to give it a go for at least the first meal of my day, which is always the biggest and is composed entirely of this food I decided to eliminate. This made it quite difficult, both emotionally (given my regimented nature) and practically, since it’s nearly impossible to find safe substitutes. 

The other challenge of yesterday was getting the dental filling I had previously rescheduled. I was grumpy when I got there because I was too hungry. They took me in late, and the whole long wait was brutally uncomfortable because it was freezing in there. The air conditioning was blasting so much that when I finally got in the chair, Ben had to request a blanket for me. The wait was so bad and I was so cranky that I wanted to leave before I was even called back. As usual, I’m glad that Ben encouraged me to stick it out because I needed the filling and now I’m done with it. 

It was my first real filling that I’m aware of, and although the process wasn’t that bad, I’m glad Ben was there to comfort me and help communicate my needs regarding comfort (like asking for a blanket) and anxiety (like affirming everything I was feeling in my mouth was normal). His explanation about what would happen was nearly spot on as well, so I felt prepared, which cut down on the stress. The Novocain shot was the worst part, and after that, it was just a matter of putting up with the noise and smell of the drill and wretched taste and smell of the sealant. 

The numbness was a weird feeling that left me feeling uneasy. Fortunately, it wore off about an hour after I got home. I had to put off eating much of anything for lunch for a while though, and that was tough because I was already carrying over residual hunger from the unusual, and possibly insufficient, breakfast.

Anyway, somehow I made it through the entire day with the new diet, although I wasn’t always in the best mood about it. I find it so challenging to be in a good mood when I’m starving. I’ve never handled the hypoglycemic feeling well; I attribute that to starvation brain, which came out of my eight years of anorexia. Of course it’s far better that I no longer battle that eating disorder, but my ability to handle being hungry has been horrendous ever since I recovered.

I get the sense that every day is going to be an experiment right now and there will be easier days and tougher days in terms of food reactions, getting the nutrition I need, and feeling well. My hope is that the payoff for trying to change my diet (all downsides and adverse reactions as well), will be worth the struggle. Something in my life, in terms of mitigating my physical issues, needs to change. I’m hoping this uncomfortable change might be the answer.

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