Blog Update

I haven’t updated my blog in weeks, which is quite a change from my daily entries that previously characterized 2018. There are several reasons for this, mostly personal, but I am still writing every single day and finding that practice to be valuable even without publishing it online. The past few weeks have been busy with work, medical appointments, new ventures, and my usual menagerie of steps forward and backward with physical and mental health. Chronic illness, chronic depression/anxiety, PTSD, and the challenges I personally experience make for an exhausting daily fight to keep my head above the water. While some days are easier than others, very few are “easy.” I have found the one-day-at-a-time, or even one-hour-at-a-time is the only approach that actually keeps me focused on moving forward rather than hopeless and wanting to surrender in my efforts. When I take a more zoomed out perspective, considering the upcoming weeks, months, or years, I become despondent, forlorn, and disenfranchised. The fight seems too tiresome, too endless, and frankly, not worth it when I examine the longer-term, clear trend of continued—if not exacerbated state of wellness—in store for my future. Envisioning doing days like I do now, feeling as I do, can be counterproductive toward keeping a positive attitude. If I stay present, and keyed into just making the current day or hour as pleasant as possible, I feel capable and hopeful that I can push through and even influence things to be more favorable. Perhaps I actually fight a little harder and fight my mindset to a more optimistic place because the workload required seems more doable, much like when a huge goal is subdivided into realistic small, less daunting steps. I probably feel too overwhelmed by the acknowledgment that this is likely my norm for now and all days, and that makes me have to ease up on my effort to do my absolute best out of survival and self-preservation: it just feels way too hard. Maybe things will change, either in terms of what works best as a strategy to keep an upbeat mindset, or hopefully, a reduction in the degree to which I suffer untoward medical and mental symptoms. However, for now, I’ve settled on a workable system right manage my mindset in regards to the myriad of chronic problems I face, or at least I have a general plan (some days, it’s difficult to stay in the moment and not extrapolate that things will likely always be as hard)!

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