The First Snow

So, I pulled the plug on therapy this week with my current in-person therapist. After weighing the pros and cons and assessing my feelings about it all, I decided it was in my best interest to just stop going there. I haven’t ruled out doing more professional psychotherapy at this time, but it would need to be elsewhere and with someone else; I was habitually finding that this center, and my sessions there, were not working for me.

The parting conversation was predictably awkward, yet I felt I spoke confidently, decisively, and clearly. I was relieved to be done with the whole ordeal! Moving forward in the coming weeks, I’ll let the idea of trying a new therapist elsewhere marinate in my mind and then pursue arranging that should it feel like the right choice in this moment in time. I’m thinking I’d rather just double down on my self-directed work instead through the holidays. I’m still finding that useful—if not more so—especially as my seasonal and situational depression has ramped up in recent weeks. I certainly don’t have all the “answers” to the issues I face and emotions I find myself wanting to diffuse, but it helps to spend dedicated time identifying, exploring, and thinking about how I can possibly improve a situation or maladaptive thought pattern.

We got hammered last night with much more snow than was forecasted here. It’s a heavy, wet, 8-10 inches. The familiar, though dreaded, sound if scraping plows and backup beeping formed the nighttime soundtrack of my bedroom despite the orchestra of loud white noise machines attempting to drown out the audible reminders of the storm. I forgot how much I despise this weather! Spring and summer have the magical ability to fade the memories of a tough winter season, and only when it’s back on the horizon does it become the beast that can’t be ignored. I know that’s a terrible attitude, but it’s my current perspective. This snow will melt and more will come; in five months, I’ll be joyously celebrating the arrival of spring weather. Getting through the five months in a good mood is the mission…

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